"I lived in Darkness a long time, over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and i could see"

Easy how easy it is to hide who you are from people. What you feel. What you want. The true self.

"I lie to everyone i know"

But myself. Sounds obvious...but it's not THAT easy. I can't NOT listen to myself anymore. It becomes obvious it's the path to survival. After all, you're the one you're gonna spend eternity with. You might wanna start loving yourself.

"Death is an Absolute, life is conditional"

I recently read one of Dr Hyatt's Black Book, named "Become who you are--There are no guarantees", first adressed to new mutants (understand, humans resigning the member-ship contract). Distant, chaotik, very interesting.

Time to not give a shit anymore about what people think and start paying attention to what i think. As i'm writting i realize how fucking absurd and stupid that text will look. But like all new electrons, needs to find it's place..like it's Master.

As i went over eso stuff i wrote several years ago, before the big bang ,it jumped me. I was on a line of power that disapeared when i lost myself, trying to understand stupidness in people. Also understood what people like phil Hine or P.J. Caroll sayd when yhey talked about the "security belt" in Occult systems, including humans relationship.

I can't trust anyone anymore. But at least i can trust my instinct. When the wolf is smelling shit, the hunter's not far.

I ,also , Can be an extreme individual.

I, also , Want to be an extreme individual.

Life's too short. Most of us will realize too late they let life live them...and not the other way around.

"I have a Dark Side Too"

Sin. 

Some stuff are constant. Like The chaos and Anarchy living inside my skull. Just like cancer...it's spreading.

I'm not empty. I just have a hard time remembering the password of my mind. 

My occult break was positive enought to have a new vision over the world.

It's good to be back.

Clow Levannah Dekebat.

 It's been weeks since i get here...

Here equals "in London" and "Posting to this blog". So, from now on, i'll probably write the whole stuff in english. Not because of the country i"m in now. Simply cause i can't talk french properly anymore....That's the problem when you got two first languages..You never know witch one you'll talk first and properly.

Anyway.

Magical world.

Should i stay in the shadow, as always...as long as i'm on small communities and forums, i guess it's ok...From the moment i wanted more, it started...The "you-dont-understand-a-thing-so-shut-the-hell-up"...they tease you, and then starts to cry out loud  how much they'll help beginners and humanity itself....pleasseeeeeeeee.

Who the hell began to tell that Occults sciences were "perfect science"..like...physics, or..machinery.

Once it is, once it's not. So make your choice ladies and gentleman, Are you a doctor or a fool? Both cases you'll be disrespected as well..

I'l tired of fighting...Really.

But in a way, i dont know if i'm ready to get the answers (or more questions) all by myself.

It would be so simple to have a "guide", (you know like mama-tree in pocahontas), who's telling you what to do, giving you advices, Share your pain, your joy...Yes family, friends,...but..they can't be you..can they?

So in the end, you're still alone.

If the magic world( in Internet) Is really that way..I am SO out.

"Gotta fuck'them all"

(That was totally free and appropriate )